The Sometimes Messy Journey Back To Our Inner Child

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At the end of Winnie the Pooh, there is this sense of beautiful sadness when Christopher Robin leaves the 100-Acre Wood to go off to school.  This underlying melancholy that Christopher, Pooh, Piglet and all their friends feel, is this intrinsic sense of knowing that when he leaves, even if he comes back, things will never quite be the same.  It’s a heartbreakingly true allegory for growing up and the markers in our lives that signify the end of youthful whimsy.  The last time you pull out your bike and go for a ride with the neighborhood buddies, that final drop of imaginary tea…the last game of hide and go seek, fueled with the intent and vigor that only a child’s imagination can hold.  We most likely aren’t conscious of it at the time, but on a guttural subconscious level, we know that the times, they are a’ changing.  And rightfully so, the only constant in this world IS change.  There is no arguing with reality, but the grievous oversight that we make is thinking and acting as if that child, our inner child, our free child…whatever you choose to call it, is gone forever.  Sure, we all might grow beards, become mothers, start paying taxes, but for better or worse, that little one is with us for our entire journey.  The question is are we suppressing it, berating it, or nurturing it?

Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “Give me the child at seven and I will show you the man.” There is a lot of weight to this…How we relate to the world, how we interact with it, how we view ourselves, all these fundamental constructs are shaped in early childhood.  Some habits will serve us well, others may be a hinderance.  The beautiful thing is that we don’t have to be enslaved by the negative aspects of our childhood.  Memories are a very real, concrete thing, but our relationship to them can be malleable, if we are open to analyzing them and not taking them at face value.  This is where having an open and loving relationship with your inner child comes in.  This relationship can no doubt be complex, but the act of lovingly acknowledging this child’s presence within you, is a relatively simple endeavor. 

Does it have a seat at your table?  Is it at the head of the table…or is it locked somewhere in the basement?  If we don’t take the time to truly look at past traumas and breath some love, wisdom, and acceptance into them, to investigate underneath the scabs of wounds that never truly healed, we allow events that we witnessed or happened to us, limit us and our potential.  Instead of letting the balloon of thoughts go, and drift off into the ether, we imbue them with our energy and allow moments to become frozen in time, and therefore dictate our beliefs, as well as the amount of happiness we allow to come in to our being.  Young children don’t have the skills and tools online to rationalize events that happen to them.  They will internalize that people’s, usually adult’s reactions as personal. The takeaway being that they are bad, flawed, or unworthy.  This can affect mood.  A mood can turn into a temperament.  And if no one is modeling positive reinforcement, over time these conflicted states can dictate or become a personality. 

The other night my wife alerted me that there was a snake on our front porch that needed to be moved.  I automatically froze and terror came over my body.  I have never had a negative encounter with a snake in my life, but my dad was deathly afraid of them, and I adopted that belief.  As I walked into our garage to grab a metal pole to remove the snake, I felt the tension in my body rising and I asked myself, “Which part of me was scared?”  It quickly became evident that it was the 6-year-old boy that idolized my father—if he was afraid of snakes, then it made perfect sense that I should be too. 

I quickly made my way to the porch and saw a three-foot-long garden snake casually hanging out by our door.  He was not a threat and meant no harm to me.  I put my hand on my heart, acknowledged the scared young boy protesting inside of me, and breathed in love to him.  I focused that breath into my heart center and exhaled it slowly.  I didn’t berate him for feeling this way, I just let him know that I (the adult self) was with him and that we were going to gently move this snake to the pasture area away from the house.  We were fully capable, and it felt like the right thing to do.

It was a relatively simple, yet extremely healing act.  It might not have eradicated my fear of snakes entirely, but it was a step in the right direction. If we can come online and have the consistent, continued awareness in our day to day lives to acknowledge our feelings instead of avoiding them, we can leave the past and step in to the present, which is truly a gift; a gift that was given specifically and uniquely to you.  And like the 100-Acre Wood in Winnie the Pooh, the longer we are able to stay in the present, the more magical things are bound to happen.